Illustration for Filomena Grossi,
One of my client’s Custom Holiday Illustrations for her parents!
In with the new!
Sometimes there is something so magical about saying no.
I have been noticing that this has become a recurrent theme in my life over the last few months, yet I notice I push through and have a habit of saying yes anyway.
I heard once, if it’s not a HELL YES, it’s a HELL NO. – Danielle Laporte
However, I have a learned habit of not giving up, pushing harder and making it happen –sometimes against my own intuition.
If spring is for spring-cleaning, then January of the New Year is for clearing out the old. Time to get rid of the stagnant, the things that just don’t work for you, the toxic relationships, the draining ones and the things that don’t excite you anymore.
Life is about GROWTH and expansion. This year, starting now I have decided I will adopt this behavior, and try (yes try since this is against my ingrained habits to always attempt to make every one ELSE happy first) to really say NO with GUSTO when I feel the need.
Reasons for saying HELL NO instead of accepting with regret:
When you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, yet the thing you are about to do will deeply affect you in a negative way.
Whether this is about stress, emotional, physical or mental drain – if it is an excessive amount that will likely adversely affect you more than the person you are saying yes to, it’s time to assert your NO.
There is nothing wrong with being polite while saying “No, you simply cannot do this.” Tell the person upfront, be decisive and clear.
I have been on BOTH ends of this. Insisting I can do something I don’t want to do for the mere fact of pleasing the other person. And regretted it. Moved on of course, but looking back I don’t want to repeat those types of decisions.
I have also been the one to push for a yes, not clearly understanding why the other person cannot do something, and getting let down in a major way. Because while their effort to “slip out gracefully” was heavily drenched in good intention, they left out the real reasons they could not or did not want to do something (in attempt to be polite) – leaving a collateral train wreck in their departure.
People if this is you PLEASE be transparent, clear and authentic. You will save a lot of hurt feelings that way. People are way more likely to understand if you go into the explanation a bit of what you are going through. If you are friends or family you will bond even more deeply by being vulnerable and up front. The person you are saying no to will not only be fine with your decision, but also encourage you to do what you need to do.
Don’t taint this with a hazy cloud of BULL-SHIIIII-ITZA leaving your friend questioning your relationship all together.
OTHERWISE YOU JUST LOOK SHADY!!! You may think it is “none of their business” but sometimes you have to let people in a little to have compassion for you and understand your motives.
Doing so will save a friendship, save a relationship and omit any feelings of anger and hurt.
Don’t be either of these people.
To make space for something GREATER and much BETTER and more aligned with your truth and vision.
This is a GREAT, if not AMAZING reason for saying no to something. Saying no to work that no longer serves you, obligations that drain your energy and take you away from something else that could be creating MORE abundance in your life. Having said that. I may or may not decide to take a blogging break next week and see how it feels. A tremendous part of me does not want to go a week with out blogging, while an even bigger part of me is exhausted, has powered through the last few months, holiday weeks and all – working and not taking any time off. I have big things I am in the midst of planning (+ a big dose of wedding planning will get you in the No mode real fast!), and I need some creative space to do so. Saying this to you feels fresh, energizing and alleviating. Who knows, next week I may be up to it – or I may not be. But I do know that when I come back I will be fresher than EVA. And on that note…. I invite YOU to make a “SAY NO” list and say out with the Old! Hope that inspires you for the New Year ahead! xo Emily
